i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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