He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
