Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
