I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
