Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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