My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
