You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
