This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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