i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
