Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
