What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
