i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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