My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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