What a fucking waste of an outfit
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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