he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
