I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
