She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
