Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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