Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
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Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
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We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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