remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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