i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
