There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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