i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
