If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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