My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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