OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I understand Curling. That high.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
