I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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