i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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