One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You pole danced in your parka.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
