I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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