You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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