just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
