ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
