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News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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