I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
