if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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