brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
