I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
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i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
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I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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