I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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