I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
