I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
