I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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