I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
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He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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