Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
