I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm sobbing to NWA
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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