It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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