I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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