Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
