operation harelip BJ is a go
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And then my night got REAL pukey
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
