I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
