I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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