A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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