there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
