So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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