u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
